Parenting Styles and Their Impact on Children

Parenting is one of the most significant responsibilities a person can undertake. It shapes the future of children, determines their behavior, and influences their success both in this world and in the Hereafter. Allah reminds us of the weight of this responsibility in the Qur’ān:  

"O you who believe! Ward off yourselves and your families against a Fire (Hell) whose fuel is men and stones..." 

(Qur’ān 66:6, Muhsin Khan translation).  

This article explores the four main parenting styles, their effects on children, and emphasizes the most effective style in light of Islamic teachings.

1. Authoritarian Parenting: The Strict and Controlling Approach

Authoritarian parents enforce strict rules and high expectations, with little room for discussion. They often prioritize obedience over emotional connection, expecting children to follow instructions without question.  

• Impact on Children:  

  Children raised under authoritarian parenting may develop low self-esteem, become fearful, or feel alienated. They may excel in structured environments but struggle with decision-making and independence.  

• Islamic Perspective:  

  Islam does not advocate for excessive harshness. The Prophet Muhammad (ﷺ) said:  

"Indeed, Allah is gentle and loves gentleness in all matters."

(Sahih al-Bukhari and Muslim).  

  While discipline is essential, it must be balanced with kindness and understanding.

2. Permissive Parenting: The Lenient and Indulgent Approach 

Permissive parents tend to be highly nurturing but set few rules or boundaries. They avoid confrontation, giving children significant freedom without much guidance.  

• Impact on Children:  

  Children raised in permissive households may lack self-discipline, struggle with authority, and face difficulties in structured settings. They might develop an entitlement mentality and face challenges in managing responsibilities.  

• Islamic Perspective:  

  Islam discourages negligence in raising children. The Prophet (ﷺ) emphasized the importance of boundaries when he said:  

"Every one of you is a shepherd, and every one of you will be asked about his flock..."

(Sahih al-Bukhari and Muslim).  

  This highlights the need for a balance between nurturing and setting limits.

3. Neglectful Parenting: The Absent and Uninvolved Approach 

Neglectful parents provide little attention, guidance, or support. This style often arises from personal struggles or a lack of awareness about the child’s needs.  

• Impact on Children:  

  Children raised by neglectful parents often experience feelings of abandonment, low self-worth, and may develop behavioral issues. They struggle to form healthy relationships and often face academic challenges.  

• Islamic Perspective:  

  Neglecting the needs of children is a grave sin in Islam. The Prophet Muhammad (ﷺ) said:  

"It is enough sin for a person to neglect those whom he is responsible for sustaining."

(Sunan Abu Dawood).  

  Parents are entrusted with the duty to care, nurture, and guide their children.

4. Authoritative Parenting: The Balanced and Best Approach  

Authoritative parents combine high expectations with warmth and responsiveness. They set clear rules while encouraging open communication, nurturing emotional bonds alongside discipline.  

• Impact on Children:  

  This style fosters confidence, independence, and strong decision-making skills. Children are more likely to excel academically, develop emotional intelligence, and maintain healthy relationships.  

• Islamic Perspective:  

  Authoritative parenting aligns closely with Islamic teachings. The Prophet Muhammad (ﷺ) exemplified this style in his interactions. He disciplined when necessary but always coupled it with love, patience, and understanding.  

  For instance, he said:  

"Teach your children to pray when they are seven years old, and discipline them for it when they are ten years old."

(Sunan Abu Dawood).  

  This hadith shows a gradual and understanding approach to parenting, emphasizing both teaching and discipline.

Futuristic Impact of Parenting Styles 

• Authoritarian: Produces obedient but often insecure children.  
• Permissive: Results in undisciplined, entitled individuals.  
• Neglectful: Leads to emotionally damaged and socially withdrawn children.  
• Authoritative: Fosters balanced, confident, and responsible individuals. 

The Best Parenting Style: Authoritative with an Islamic Framework

From the above, it is evident that authoritative parenting is the most effective style. When combined with Islamic principles, it creates a nurturing environment that balances love, discipline, and spiritual guidance.

  

• Emphasizing Love and Kindness:  

  The Prophet (ﷺ) was known for his gentleness. He said:  

"He is not one of us who does not show mercy to our young ones and respect to our elders."

(Sunan al-Tirmidhi).  

  This highlights the importance of love and compassion in parenting.  

• Setting Boundaries:  

  While love is crucial, boundaries are equally important. Allah says:  

"And those who say: 'Our Lord! Bestow on us from our wives and our offspring the comfort of our eyes and make us leaders of the Muttaqun (pious).'"

(Qur’ān 25:74).  

  This du’ā reflects the need for nurturing children within an Islamic framework to raise righteous individuals.

Practical Steps for Parents  

1. Focus on Spiritual Development: Teach children about Allah, Salah, and good character from an early age.  
2. Balance Discipline with Love: Correct mistakes with patience and kindness, avoiding excessive harshness.  
3. Encourage Open Communication: Create an environment where children feel safe to express themselves.  
4. Lead by Example: Children mimic their parents' actions. Be the person you want your child to become.  
5. Provide Education and Life Skills: Equip children with both worldly and Islamic knowledge.  

Parenting is not just a personal responsibility but a divine trust. The Qur’ān and the Sunnah offer a comprehensive guide for raising children in a balanced and righteous manner. By adopting an authoritative style infused with Islamic principles, parents can nurture the next generation of pious, confident, and successful Muslims.  

May Allah guide us all in fulfilling this noble duty. Ameen.