How to Inspire Positive Change in Your Partner—Without Force or Blame

A Transformational Guide Rooted in Islamic Wisdom and Emotional Maturity

Marriage is among the most beautiful blessings bestowed upon us by Allah ﷻ. It is a union of hearts, a sanctuary of love, and a pathway to peace and spiritual growth. But even the most loving relationships come with challenges—especially when one spouse feels stuck in a cycle of disappointment, silently wishing the other would just… change.

Perhaps you’ve been there.

“If only he would communicate better.”

“If only she were more understanding.”

“If only he prayed more.”

“If only she showed more respect.”

You whisper these things to yourself, maybe even cry over them in your private sujūd. And then you hear it again—the sobering truth we all hate to admit: people don’t change unless they want to.

But what if change didn’t have to come from force? What if, instead of blame or emotional manipulation, you could spark real, lasting transformation through love, emotional intelligence, and inner work—the very way the Prophet ﷺ nurtured the hearts of those around him?

This isn’t about compromising your values. It’s about leading with rahmah (mercy), hikmah (wisdom), and adab (beautiful character). It's the kind of quiet strength that shifts relationships from tension to tranquility (sakinah), from resentment to reconnection.

Here’s a five-step process to inspire change in your partner without trying to “fix” them. It's rooted in Islamic principles and emotional responsibility—and it begins with you.

Step 1: Stop Fixating on Their Flaws—Start With Yourself

When conflict arises, our first instinct is often to diagnose what’s wrong with the other person. We mentally list their flaws: “He’s selfish,” “She’s too emotional,” “He never listens,” “She nags too much.” But the Prophet ﷺ taught us to look inward first.

“Let not a believing man hate a believing woman. If he dislikes one of her traits, he will be pleased with another.”

(Sahih Muslim 1469)

The same applies to women. Your spouse is not a project to be fixed—but a mirror showing parts of you that may need healing. Ask yourself:

• What emotional energy am I bringing into this relationship?

• Am I reacting from past wounds or unmet needs?

• What does my tone, body language, or silence say?

This isn’t self-blame—it’s self-leadership. Relationships are systems: when you shift your role, the entire system starts to shift too.

Step 2: Build Safe, Ongoing Dialogue—Not Explosive Confrontations

Many couples wait until frustration boils over, and then erupt into arguments full of blame, sarcasm, and shutdowns. But this only widens the emotional gap.

Instead, follow the Sunnah of regular, gentle communication. The Prophet ﷺ never waited for chaos to address issues. He gave advice in bite-sized, emotionally safe ways—and he listened without interruption.

Set aside a regular time for “marital check-ins.” No phones. No distractions. Just presence. Use a gentle framework like Rose-Bud-Thorn:

• 🌹 Rose: What’s going well in our marriage?

• 🌱 Bud: What are you hopeful about?

• 🌵 Thorn: What feels hard lately?

And always speak from your experience:

“I feel overwhelmed when I don't feel heard,”

not

“You never listen to me.”

This approach fosters understanding instead of defensiveness—and reflects the Qur’anic command to “speak to one another in kindness” (Surah Al-Baqarah 2:235).

Step 3: Bring in Neutral Guidance—Not One-Sided “Fixes”

You are your spouse’s partner, not their therapist. Trying to fix them can feel patronizing and even provoke more resistance. Instead, invite shared learning:

• Read a book on Islamic marriage together.

• Watch a lecture that resonates with you both.

• Enroll in a marital course rooted in Qur’anic values.

Let it be collaborative, not corrective. Choose resources that don’t feel like a hidden accusation. The Prophet ﷺ taught by walking alongside people—not dragging them behind.

“The believer is a mirror to his brother.”

(Abu Dawood, 4918)

Mirrors reflect truth gently, without distortion. Be a mirror, not a microscope.

Step 4: Set Agreements for Managing Future Conflicts

Disagreements are inevitable. But destruction is not. The Prophet ﷺ never allowed arguments to linger or become cruel. He would withdraw temporarily if needed—but never with contempt. He returned with wisdom and reconciliation.

Create a plan for future conflict before it happens:

• Agree on a safe word to pause and revisit later.

• Avoid toxic phrases like “you always” or “you never.”

• Schedule your next check-in for unresolved issues.

This preserves sakinah (tranquility) in the home—even during tension.

“Indeed, the Shaitān flows through a person like blood…”

(Sahih Muslim 2174)

In conflict, shaytān wants to divide your hearts. Boundaries protect you from his whispers.

Step 5: Celebrate Growth—Even the Smallest Wins

Most people long to be seen, not scrutinized. If your partner makes an effort, however small, notice it. Acknowledge it.

Say:

• “I saw how you tried to be patient just now. Thank you.”

• “That meant so much to me.”

• “You handled that beautifully—may Allah reward you.”

This is ihsān (excellence)—to reflect the best back to your spouse, just as the Prophet ﷺ did with his wives. Remember when he publicly praised Khadijah (RA), even after her death? That praise sustained love long after the moment had passed.

“Whoever is not grateful to people is not grateful to Allah.”

(Ahmad, 2/258)

Gratitude waters the seeds of change. Criticism scorches them.

You Can’t Control Their Growth, But You Can Control Your Own

The journey of changing your relationship starts with your niyyah (intention), your akhlaq (character), and your du’ā (supplication). It doesn’t require your partner to be perfect. It just needs you to show up with consistency, sincerity, and emotional maturity.

It’s not easy. But it is sacred work.

Let your love be a vehicle for healing, not pressure. Let your patience be a mirror of the Prophet’s ﷺ mercy. Let your growth be the invitation your partner didn’t know they needed.

And when it gets hard, whisper to Allah what your heart cannot voice:

“O Turner of hearts, keep our hearts firm upon Your path.”

(Tirmidhi 3522)

Because true change doesn’t start with blame. It begins with the courage to look within—and lead with love.

Want more tools like this?

Stay tuned to the Pure Sprouts Nurture Hub for articles, resources, and faith-centered guidance on raising emotionally intelligent families, building strong marriages, and healing generational patterns—one home at a time.

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The Silent Crises in Our Homes (Part Two)

 

Healing Ummul Awlad: A Story of Love, Loss, and the Courage to Break the Cycle

Meet Ummul Awlad — a 37-year-old, prayerful, outwardly composed Muslim woman. She’s the mother of four beautiful children, blessed with a husband who tries in his own way to be loving, supportive, and faithful. But beneath her seemingly calm exterior is a woman struggling with emotional weight she never chose, but unknowingly inherited.

She was raised in a typical Nigerian polygynous home, but filled with the unspoken tensions and scars of a dysfunctional marriage. While she prays, fasts, and even teaches her daughters to wear the hijab and lower their gaze, deep down she is still that little girl who watched love decay in her home — and never learned how to build it from scratch.

Her Father: Present Yet Absent

Her father was a devout Muslim man — stern, principled, and feared. But to Ummul Awlad, he was also emotionally unavailable, harsh with discipline, and distant with affection. His role as a father was reduced to financial provision and spiritual commands — but not emotional connection.

He didn’t raise his voice to say “I love you,” but he raised it often enough in anger. He never beat her mother, but his silence, coldness, and favoritism among his wives did just as much damage.

He was home, but never really there.

Her Mother: Rebellious in Silence, Poisoned by Bitterness

Her mother, tired of playing second fiddle in a marriage of rivalry, learned to survive with gossip, passive aggression, and backbiting. She often spoke ill of her husband behind his back, mocked the other wife, and frequently said things like:

“Men can never be satisfied. Just collect your own and mind your children.”

She taught her daughter that love was a transaction — you give him food, clothes, and children, and he gives you money and protection. No place for softness. No room for vulnerability. Just endurance.

Ummul Awlad never saw healthy conflict resolution, only emotional withdrawal, suppressed rage, and pretend submission laced with hidden rebellion.

The Woman She Became

Now married, Ummul Awlad carried this legacy of emotional dysfunction into her own home.

She loved her husband — or at least tried to — but she measured love in the same ways her mother did:

• Did he provide money?

• Did he buy her what she needed?

• Did he come home at night?

But when he tried to touch her heart, to connect emotionally, she would recoil or freeze. Affection was awkward. Intimacy felt invasive. She couldn’t open up — because being vulnerable meant being weak, and weak women get hurt.

She thought she was protecting herself. But she was actually repelling the very love she craved.

When her husband once lovingly suggested, “We need to talk to someone to help us connect better,” she flared up:

“So now I’m the problem? Why don’t you go and marry a therapist too!”

That conversation ended in weeks of cold silence.

Her Deepest Trigger: The Threat of a Second Wife

When her husband hinted at a second marriage — even respectfully and within Islamic bounds — her world shattered. Not because of the idea itself, but because it reminded her of the chaos and rivalry she grew up in.

She saw her mother break slowly over the years.

She saw herself being treated like one of “those” women.

She saw her children reliving her nightmares.

She exploded with irrational anger. Not because she was evil. But because her unhealed wounds took control.

She couldn't understand why her own children started to fear her yelling, why her daughters grew anxious, and why her sons looked confused when she criticized their father in front of them.

But trauma speaks — even when the mouth is silent.

What Ummul Awlad Didn’t Know

She didn’t know that her reaction was inherited.

She didn’t know that the man she married wasn’t her father — and that she didn’t have to become her mother.

She didn’t know that healing was possible — and necessary.

The Prophet ﷺ said: “The best of you is the best to his family, and I am the best to my family.” (Tirmidhi)

But how can one be the best to their family when they are still bleeding from wounds they refuse to acknowledge?

The Pattern Must Be Broken

Dear Ummul Awlad is not a bad wife or mother. She is simply the product of unexamined patterns — of a society that doesn’t allow women to process their pain, of a culture that teaches silence over seeking help, and of a religion misunderstood in practice.

• She was never taught how to receive love.

• She was never shown how to communicate hurt without destroying.

• She never saw a mother who knew how to build emotional safety at home.

• And now, she fears turning into the very woman she once judged.

The Way Forward: A Call to Healing

Ummul Awlad’s story is the story of many women in our communities — quiet, modest, and religious… yet silently suffering, parenting from pain, and struggling to give what they never received.

The solution is not in shame. It is in healing.

Allah says: “And do not be like those who forgot Allah, so He made them forget themselves.” (Qur’an 59:19)

Healing starts when you remember yourself — your inner wounds, your uncried tears, your repressed fears.

Healing Begins With:

• Seeking therapy or family counseling — not because you are weak, but because you are ready to be whole.

• Communicating without contempt, and learning to be emotionally vulnerable in a safe space.

• Apologizing to your children and spouse, not for having emotions, but for not knowing how to express them better.

• Unlearning old habits, and replacing survival tactics with connection, love, and tawakkul (trust in Allah).

Let’s Raise a Generation That Doesn’t Need to Heal From Us

Ummul Awlad’s children deserve more. Her husband deserves a healed version of her. And most importantly, she deserves to be free — not from responsibilities, but from inherited wounds.

If we do not break the pattern, it will pass down like inheritance — quietly, painfully, and invisibly.

Let’s raise families rooted in rahmah (mercy), not rage. In mawaddah (affection), not manipulation. In sakeenah (tranquility), not trauma.

You don’t have to suffer in silence. You can choose a different legacy. And it starts with healing.

📍 © Pure Sprouts Nurture Hub

"Where wounded hearts find new beginnings."

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The Silent Crisis in Our Homes

Breaking the Cycle: Mr. Walad’s Story and the Silent Crisis in Our Homes

Meet Mr. Walad — a man in his forties, blessed with two boys and two girls. On the surface, he seems like the typical middle-aged father navigating work, family, and daily life. Raised by parents who were, to all outward appearances, “happily married,” he was told all his life that what he experienced growing up was normal. But beneath the surface lies a marriage on a keg of gunpowder, silently ticking… one emotional disconnect at a time.

A Childhood That Never Taught Him Love

Mr. Walad was raised in a home that many would call “disciplined.” His parents were strict authoritarians — swift to punish, quick to shout, and always emotionally unavailable. Love was not spoken, affection not shown, and emotions were seen as weakness.

He never heard “I love you.”

He never saw his parents embrace each other.

He never learned to cry, because “real men don’t cry.”

Instead, his feelings were ignored — unless he was physically ill. His achievements were never celebrated. When he placed second in a class of seventy students, instead of applause, he was asked:

“Did the one who took first have two heads?”

What he learned wasn’t how to love — but how to perform. And worse still, how to suppress and punish any sign of vulnerability.

A Husband Struggling with Patterns He Never Questioned

Fast forward into adulthood — Mr. Walad is now a husband, but one who has carried the same emotional emptiness into his marriage.

He expects perfection from his wife — in silence, in submission, in everything. He hits her when she talks back, because that’s what he saw growing up. He criticizes more than he praises, because that's what he knows. He believes buying her occasional gifts equals love, but has never once said “I love you” — because in his world, masculinity means emotional numbness.

Yet, his wife is emotionally starved. She is exhausted, overburdened, and resentful. She works hard at her job, takes care of the home, and endures emotional and physical detachment. Intimacy is mechanical and painful — he is too rough, too disconnected, too selfish. Sadly, she too was never taught how to love. She came into marriage broken — with a different but equally harmful pattern.

A Father Who Thinks Money Replaces Presence

Mr. Walad believes he's a good father because he spends lavishly on his children — toys, gadgets, clothes, school fees. But he does not know his children. He doesn't talk with them, laugh with them, or hold them in his arms. He has never asked how they feel, what they dream of, or what they fear.

He doesn’t understand that to a child, thirty minutes of focused, loving time daily is worth more than a mountain of gifts.

The Prophet ﷺ once delayed his prayer just to carry a child crying at the back of the masjid (Bukhari). He played with children, kissed them, joked with them. That’s the gold standard of fatherhood in Islam.

The Tragic Refusal to Heal

When his wife, after twelve long years of emotional survival, finally suggested marriage therapy, Mr. Walad scoffed:

“Therapy? That’s for weaklings. I’m not sick. I’m a man.”

To him, seeking help is a slap to his masculinity — another dangerous lie society has fed men for generations.

But the real sickness is refusing to heal.

Allah says: “Indeed, Allah will not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves.” (Qur’an 13:11)

Change begins from within — not from clinging to inherited wounds masquerading as strength.

The Vicious Cycle Most Men Don’t See

Mr. Walad’s story isn’t unique. In fact, it is the silent story of millions of men — raised in emotionally deprived environments, repeating cycles they never examined.

They were never taught that:

• Affection isn’t weakness.

• Correction doesn’t require cruelty.

• Leadership means emotional presence, not tyranny.

• Love isn’t shown through money alone.

They were raised by fathers who tried their best — but within a system that valued silence over expression, control over connection, and authority over empathy.

As Imam Ibn Qayyim (rahimahullah) said, “He who nurtures his children with kindness will find their hearts softened for him.”

The Way Forward: Break the Pattern

It’s not your fault how you were raised — but it is your responsibility to grow, to heal, and to break the chain.

• Seek therapy or counselling — not because you're broken, but because you care enough to become better.

• Talk about your past — what hurt you, and what you don’t want to pass on.

• Apologize to your spouse — not for being human, but for not yet learning how to be a safe space.

• Connect with your children — on the floor, in their play, in their world.

There is no shame in healing, and no honor in repeating pain.

It’s Time to Break the Cycle — For Our Ummah’s Future

What Mr. Walad didn’t realize is this: you can’t parent or love well from an empty emotional cup. If we do not heal our inner wounds, we will bleed them into our marriages and into our children.

Let’s be the generation that changes the narrative.

Let’s raise children who won’t need to recover from their parents.

Let’s be men and women who walk in the footsteps of the Prophet ﷺ — the most emotionally intelligent, loving, and balanced man to ever live.

Need help? It’s not weakness. It’s wisdom.

Let’s seek support. Let’s grow. Let’s heal.

For ourselves. For our marriages. For our children.

📍 © Pure Sprouts Nurture Hub

"Where healing homes begin."

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Stop Calling Neurodivergent Children "Dull" (Final Part)

When Learning Feels Different

In many households, especially within our communities, a child's struggles in school can quickly become a source of confusion, frustration, or even shame. “Why can’t he read like the others?” “Why is she always behind in class?” “Is my child just not trying hard enough?” These are questions that echo silently in the minds of concerned parents — questions that often go unanswered.

But what if the issue is not about laziness or lack of intelligence?

What if your child is simply wired differently?

Welcome to the world of Specific Learning Difficulties (SpLDs) — conditions that affect how a person receives, processes, and expresses information. These are not indicators of a child’s worth or potential. Rather, they are reminders that learning is not a one-size-fits-all journey.

What Is a Specific Learning Difficulty (SpLD)?

A Specific Learning Difficulty refers to a condition that affects a particular aspect of learning — reading, writing, math, coordination, or spelling — despite having average or above-average intelligence. These children can be bright, talented, and full of potential, but they may struggle in traditional learning environments.

“Allah does not burden a soul beyond that it can bear…”

– Qur’an 2:286

SpLDs are not signs of failure. They are simply differences. And like all differences, they require understanding, patience, and support.

Your Child is Not Broken — They Just Learn Differently

Many children with SpLDs go through years of being misunderstood — labelled as lazy, unserious, or even defiant. But beneath those labels often lies a child who is trying their best, but is battling an invisible wall the world can’t see.

As Muslim parents, we are entrusted by Allah ﷻ with the responsibility of raising our children with mercy and justice. If our child had a physical wound, we would not beat them for bleeding. So why then do we scold them when their neurological or cognitive system struggles to learn like others?

“Be merciful to those on the earth and the One above the heavens will have mercy on you.”

– Prophet Muhammad ﷺ (Tirmidhi)

Types of Specific Learning Difficulties (SpLDs)

Understanding these conditions is the first step to supporting our children with compassion and effectiveness.

1. Dyslexia

Dyslexia affects reading, writing, and spelling. Children with dyslexia may:

• Struggle to recognize or decode words

• Mix up letters (e.g., "b" and "d")

• Read slowly or inaccurately

• Have poor spelling or handwriting

Despite these challenges, their intelligence remains intact. Many dyslexic individuals are highly creative, deeply intuitive, and can excel in storytelling, entrepreneurship, and the arts.

Encouragement Tip: Celebrate your child’s strengths. Shift focus from what's hard to what’s possible.

2. Dyscalculia

Dyscalculia impacts a child’s understanding of numbers and mathematical concepts. Signs may include:

• Difficulty with basic arithmetic

• Trouble remembering number facts

• Struggles with time, directions, or measurement

• Inability to estimate or compare quantities

These children may fear math or feel embarrassed during class. Our duty is not to shame them, but to walk beside them — one number at a time.

3. Dysgraphia

Dysgraphia relates to writing difficulties — from forming letters to spelling and organizing thoughts on paper. It may show as:

• Inconsistent or illegible handwriting

• Slow writing pace

• Unusual pencil grip

• Poor spelling, even in speech-capable children

Dysgraphia is often overlooked, but it can cause deep emotional stress in school-age children. Patience and alternative learning tools (e.g., audio notes, oral responses) can go a long way.

4. Dyspraxia (Developmental Coordination Disorder)

Dyspraxia affects motor coordination. These children may:

• Struggle with buttoning clothes, tying shoelaces, or using cutlery

• Find it hard to sit still or balance

• Avoid sports and playground activities

They are often misunderstood as clumsy or unfit. But in reality, they are courageous fighters, trying to navigate a world that demands more from their bodies than most.

Islam Teaches Compassion — Especially at Home

The Prophet ﷺ was never harsh with children. He recognized their limitations and guided them with love. He never mocked, scolded, or humiliated someone for what they could not control. In our homes, compassion should echo louder than correction.

Ibn Qayyim al-Jawziyyah رحمه الله said:

“Children are a trust from Allah... If the parent fails to raise them properly, he has betrayed the trust.”

When your child is struggling — not with discipline, but with learning — how you respond becomes a test of that trust.

What Can You Do as a Parent?

Here’s how to turn your home into a healing space:

1. Observe Without Judgment: Look for patterns of struggle, not just behavior.

2. Seek Professional Assessment: Early identification leads to better support.

3. Educate Yourself and Others: Learn about your child’s specific condition. Then teach siblings and teachers too.

4. Advocate for Accommodations: Ask for extra time, modified teaching methods, or therapy if needed.

5. Embrace Their Strengths: Help them thrive in what they love — arts, storytelling, science, or memorization.

6. Make Du’ā Constantly: Seek Allah’s help — He who fashioned their minds knows their potential.

Having a child with a learning difficulty is not a punishment — it is a unique assignment from the Creator of the heavens. It is an invitation to love differently, to parent patiently, and to trust the unseen paths of growth that Allah ﷻ has designed.

So, if your child learns slowly, awkwardly, or unusually — don’t fear. Don’t compare. Just walk with them at their pace, while holding Allah’s hand.

“…And He created you in stages.”

(Qur’an 71:14)

Let us raise not just children who succeed in school, but hearts that are safe, homes that are healing, and souls that are nurtured — no matter how they learn.

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Stop Calling Neurodivergent Children "Dull" (Part Three)

When the World Feels Distant: Understanding Autism Spectrum Disorder in Our Children

As a parent, nothing prepares you for the moment you sense something different about your child’s world. Maybe it's the way they avoid your gaze, their reluctance to play with others, or how they find comfort only in routine and repetition. It might start as a quiet observation — then slowly grow into a concern you can no longer ignore.

Welcome to the tender, complex world of Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) — a condition not of choice, but of neurology. It affects how a child perceives, processes, and interacts with the world. And for Muslim families, this journey is one of deep faith, patience, and purpose.

What Is Autism, Really?

Autism Spectrum Disorder is not a disease, and it's not the result of bad parenting. It is a neurodevelopmental condition present from early childhood, and it shapes how children communicate, behave, and socially relate. The word “spectrum” reminds us that every child is different — some are nonverbal, others are highly verbal but socially withdrawn; some love patterns, others fear changes in routine.

Though science has not yet uncovered its exact cause, autism is not the child’s fault, nor is it the fault of the parent. It is part of the divine decree — Qadr — and every child with autism is a reminder that Allah creates with perfect wisdom, even when we don't immediately understand it.

"And Allah has created every [living] creature from water. Of them are some that crawl on their bellies, some that walk on two legs, and some that walk on four. Allah creates what He wills. Indeed, Allah is over all things competent."

(Surah An-Nur, 24:45)

Common Signs of Autism

Autism can begin to show itself in infancy, though many parents notice it during toddlerhood or early school years. Signs can include:

• Avoidance of eye contact

• Delayed speech and nonverbal cues (like pointing or waving)

• Lack of interest in peer interaction

• Difficulty expressing emotions or understanding others’ emotions

• Repetitive behaviors or obsessive interests

• Resistance to change or new routines

While autism is more commonly diagnosed in boys than girls, it affects children across all ethnic, cultural, and religious backgrounds.

For a better visual explanation, check this YouTube video: Signs of Autism in Children.

The Five Major Types of Autism

Let’s take a closer look at the five types of autism, so you can begin to recognize the unique needs each presents.

1. Level 1 Autism (formerly Asperger’s Syndrome)

This presents with:

• Above-average intelligence

• Strong verbal skills

• Poor social interaction and communication

• Inflexibility in thoughts or routines

• Monotone speech or inability to express emotions clearly

Children may be mistaken for shy, rude, or “odd,” but they are simply navigating a world that overwhelms their senses.

2. Rett Syndrome

Mostly affecting girls, this rare condition appears in infancy and can lead to:

• Loss of purposeful hand use

• Difficulty walking or coordinating movement

• Communication challenges

• Breathing irregularities

Although difficult, a child with Rett Syndrome can still experience joy and family connection with proper care.

3. Childhood Disintegrative Disorder (CDD)

A heartbreaking condition where:

• A child develops typically until ages 3–10

• Then suddenly regresses in speech, toileting, motor, or social skills

• Often affects boys far more than girls
  The emotional toll on parents is immense, but early diagnosis and support make a world of difference.

4. Kanner’s Syndrome (Classic Autism)

Described as “infantile autism,” these children may appear intelligent yet:

• Lack emotional connection

• Have delayed speech or repeat words without understanding (echolalia)

• Prefer objects to people

• Have an intense need for routine

5. PDD-NOS (Pervasive Developmental Disorder – Not Otherwise Specified)

This is a milder, subthreshold form of autism:

• Delayed language or motor skills

• Difficulty connecting socially

• Often mistaken for a “late bloomer”

Managing Autism: There Is Help — and Hope

There is no cure for autism, but there is support. With early intervention and a tailored approach, many children on the spectrum grow into independent, joyful adults. Here are some powerful tools:

Family Counselling

Learn how to interpret your child’s behavior without fear or frustration. As a parent, your strength sets the tone for your home.

Special Education

For children who cannot cope in mainstream classrooms, specialized learning environments allow their strengths to flourish.

Inclusion with Assistance

Where possible, children with autism should be in mainstream schools with support — this fosters community and helps dismantle stigma.

Behavioral and Speech Therapy

Support with communication, social skills, and emotion regulation can help them connect more meaningfully with others.

Diet and Lifestyle

Some children respond well to dietary adjustments (e.g., reducing preservatives or gluten). Visual cues during meals can enhance learning.

The Prophet ﷺ said: “Indeed Allah has prescribed excellence in everything…”

(Sahih Muslim)

The Islamic Parenting Perspective

Parenting a neurodivergent child is not a sign of failure or punishment. It is a divine invitation to a higher form of care, patience, and love.

Let us remember: the Prophet ﷺ gave special attention to those others overlooked. He welcomed the mentally ill woman who asked for his time. He stood for the janazah of the voiceless in society. He taught us: every soul is worthy of mercy.

“Your wealth and your children are but a trial…” (Surah At-Taghabun, 64:15)

But it is a trial that can elevate you, soften your heart, and bring you closer to Allah.

Final Reflections: This Child Is a Trust

Dear parent, if your child is on the spectrum, they are not broken. They are not behind. They are navigating a world that wasn’t built for them — and you are their bridge. Allah entrusted you with a soul that sees, feels, and responds differently. And you were chosen for a reason.

Create a home where differences are embraced, not shamed. Advocate. Learn. Love. Make duʿāʾ. Be patient. And trust that in this path, there is reward in every tear, in every step, in every struggle.

"Indeed, with hardship, there is ease."

(Surah Ash-Sharh, 94:6)

 

Pure Sprouts Nurture Hub stands with you on this journey — to support, to educate, and to remind you: you are not alone.

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Stop Calling Neurodivergent Children "Dull". (Part Two)

When Trouble Isn’t Just Trouble: Understanding ADHD in Our Children

Imagine a child who tries hard to sit still — but his legs just won’t stop moving. A child who wants to listen — but her mind drifts like leaves in the wind. A child who isn’t disrespectful, but speaks out of turn, gets punished again, and again, and again. A child that has a Ferrari speed, but with bicycle brakes.

Now imagine being that child. Every day.

This is the silent reality for many children with Attention Deficit and Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) — a condition many in our communities still do not understand, let alone accept.

What Exactly Is ADHD?

ADHD is a neurodevelopmental disorder. That means it affects how the brain grows and functions. It is not caused by poor parenting, laziness, or a lack of morals — it is a difference in brain wiring, especially in areas that control focus, self-control, and behavior regulation.

Children with ADHD often display symptoms such as:

• Impulsiveness (blurting out answers, interrupting others, taking risks)

• Hyperactivity (constant movement, talking non-stop, restlessness)

• Inattentiveness (easily distracted, forgetful, poor concentration)

And most of the time, they are two to three years behind their peers in terms of maturity — not by choice, but by design. They often want to do well, but their brains struggle with executive functions, like staying organized, managing time, regulating emotions, and following through on tasks.

Check this YouTube video for a visual illustration. Does my child have ADHD?

More Common Than We Think

ADHD is the most common neurodevelopmental condition worldwide — and it exists here in Nigeria, too. Yet many children are undiagnosed, misunderstood, or mislabeled.

A child with ADHD may be wrongly seen as:

• Troublesome – because they can’t sit still in the classroom.

• Dull or lazy – because they can’t complete assignments or follow instructions.

• Stubborn or disrespectful – because they speak out or disobey.

But what the world sees as bad behavior is often a silent cry for help.

Why Our Response Matters

When we fail to understand ADHD, we don’t just mislabel children — we break their spirit.

Instead of support, they get shouting.

Instead of guidance, they get punishment.

Instead of mercy, they get rejection.

And this isn’t just harmful — it’s dangerous. It can lead to low self-esteem, emotional trauma, school dropouts, strained parent-child relationships, and even depression.

An Islamic Call to Awareness

Our beloved Prophet ﷺ was sent as a mercy to the worlds — and his mercy extended to every soul, especially those who struggled. He never ridiculed people who were different or harsh to those who were weak.

“He who is not merciful to the young and does not respect the elders is not one of us.” — (Tirmidhi, 1921)

In another narration, when a Bedouin urinated in the mosque, the Prophet’s companions rushed to rebuke him. But the Prophet ﷺ stopped them, and instead, spoke gently to the man, explaining with wisdom. (Bukhari)

What would he do with a child who couldn’t sit still? Who struggled to pay attention? Who got into trouble, not out of disrespect — but out of neurodivergence?

Let this be a moment of deep reflection.

What Should Parents Do?

If your child — or one in your care — shows signs of ADHD, do not panic. Instead:

1. Observe – Look for patterns. Is your child frequently inattentive, impulsive, or hyperactive beyond what is age-appropriate?

2. Seek Professional Help – Visit a qualified psychologist or psychiatrist for assessment. ADHD is not a spiritual defect. Just like you’d seek help for diabetes, seek help for mental health.

3. Manage, Don’t Mourn – ADHD has no cure, but it can be managed successfully through therapy, parenting strategies, and — in some cases — medication.

4. Create a Supportive Environment – Children with ADHD need structure, routine, positive reinforcement, and above all — love and understanding.

“And do not kill your children for fear of poverty. We provide for them and for you. Surely, killing them is a heinous sin.” (Qur’an 17:31)

While this verse speaks of physical harm, the scholars also interpret it as a prohibition against neglect, emotional harm, or unjust treatment of children.

A Final Word to Our Ummah

The Ummah needs more awareness, not more assumptions. More understanding, not more punishments. Let us stop labeling children before we’ve listened to them. Before we’ve tried to understand what they’re trying to tell us — even in their misbehavior.

Behind every fidgeting hand, wandering gaze, and endless question is a heart that deserves compassion.

They are not broken. They are different. And with the right help, they can thrive — emotionally, spiritually, and socially.

Let us be the parents, caregivers, and teachers who build, not break. Who see beyond behavior and recognize the soul within.

Did this reflection stir your heart or open your mind?

🌟 Share the khayr. Leave a comment below with your thoughts.

🧠 Explore more posts to deepen your parenting and marital journey—bi idhnillāh.

💬 Let’s build a future of light, one heart and one home at a time.

Stop Calling Neurodivergent Children “Dull”

Growing up, I remember the sting of labels. Not for myself—but for the many classmates around me who were called names that stripped them of dignity: “olodo”, “dullard”, “slow”, “unintelligent”. It happened both in primary and secondary school, in classrooms that were supposed to be safe spaces. Sadly, these weren’t just labels. They became lifelong identities that haunted these children well into adulthood.

At the time, I didn’t see anything wrong with it.

We all thought it was normal to mock those who couldn’t “keep up.” We assumed that if a child wasn’t doing well in school, it meant they weren’t smart. They needed more beating. Or more shame. Or louder yelling. But Alhamdulillah, I know better now.

Through my learning in education, psychology, family therapy, and neurodevelopment, I’ve come to a heartbreaking, yet empowering realization: many of the children we labelled as “dull” were never dull at all.

They were different.

And we failed them.

What We Didn't Know About the "Abnormal" and "Slow" Children

Some children are born with mental disabilities—conditions that can be physically and emotionally draining on the family. These children may never fully mature in mental capacity, often functioning like toddlers or young kids even as they age into adulthood. That’s a deep and challenging journey, and one for another day.

But there’s another category of children—more common and deeply misunderstood—those with neurodevelopmental disorders such as:

• ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder)

• ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder)

• SLD (Specific Learning Disabilities like dyslexia, dyscalculia, etc.)

These children have no issues with intelligence. Their IQ can be average, above average, or even exceptional. But they learn, focus, speak, and behave differently—not wrongly.

The problem isn’t their brain.

The problem is our lens.

The Labels That Break Them

Imagine being a child who’s trying their best to concentrate but whose brain processes sound, sight, and emotion in a heightened, scattered way. Imagine struggling to write letters correctly because your motor planning is off. Imagine not understanding sarcasm or social rules because your wiring is different.

Now imagine being called “useless,” “a disgrace,” or “possessed.”

These aren’t just names. They’re weapons. They pierce confidence, destroy self-worth, and plant the seeds of anxiety, depression, and rebellion.

Let us recall the words of our Prophet ﷺ:

“He is not one of us who does not show mercy to our young ones.” (Abu Dawood, 4943)

Neurodiversity is Not Disobedience

In Islam, every soul is created with intention and purpose. Allah says:

“Indeed, We have created man in the best of stature.”

(Surah At-Tin, 95:4)

This includes children with ADHD who can’t sit still during dhikr, or children on the autism spectrum who struggle with emotional connection, or a child with a learning disability who still can’t read at age 10.

They are not broken.

They are not stupid.

They are not the enemy of your reputation as a parent or teacher.

They are different. And it’s time we learn them.

What Parents and Teachers Must Do Now

1. Learn About Neurodevelopmental Disorders
   Read. Attend seminars. Speak to professionals. If your child is struggling socially, emotionally, or academically, don’t delay getting a professional assessment.

2. Stop Comparing Them to Other Children
   Your child’s journey is theirs alone. Do not use the milestones of other kids as a weapon of shame.

3. Build Their Confidence
   Every child has a strength. Help them discover it. Celebrate small wins. Allow their hearts to breathe.

4. Avoid Harsh Labels and Name-Calling
   The Prophet ﷺ never shamed the weak. He elevated them. His mercy was magnetic. Shouldn’t we follow his example?

5. Be Their Advocate
   Don't wait for society to be kind to your child. Teach others how to treat them. Protect them. Stand up for them.

So many of our children are hurting not because Allah created them lacking, but because we lacked understanding. If only we had known, we would have taught them differently. Loved them more patiently. Disciplined them more wisely. And most importantly, we would have seen their beauty beneath the struggle.

Let this be the beginning of a new chapter—not just for you as a parent or teacher—but for the many children whose futures will be shaped by your compassion and willingness to learn.

“And do not despise the weak among you, for it is by them that you are granted provision and help.”

– Prophet Muhammad ﷺ (Sahih Bukhari)

Keep Following Our Blog

At Pure Sprouts Nurture Hub, we will In Shaa Allaah, continue to share practical guidance and Islamic insights to help you understand and raise children with neurodevelopmental disorders, in the next few posts. Whether you’re a parent, teacher, or caregiver — you have a role to play in rewriting the stories of these precious souls.

Let’s raise hearts, not just hands.

Let’s raise children, not just expectations.

And let’s do it with mercy.

Did this reflection stir your heart or open your mind?

🌟 Share the khayr. Leave a comment below with your thoughts.

🧠 Explore more posts to deepen your parenting and marital journey—bi idhnillāh.

💬 Let’s build a future of light, one heart and one home at a time.