There is a soft grief that walks silently in many homes. It’s not always spoken out loud. It doesn’t always scream for attention. But it’s there—in the tired sigh of a mother lying awake after the children sleep… in the empty chair at the dining table… in the questions that children ask, and the ones they never do.
It is the grief of absence—the loss of a parenting partner.
Whether due to divorce, death, estrangement, or negligence, many families today are being raised with one less voice in the home. And while single parents are doing the best they can—and often doing the job of two with the strength of one—it doesn’t make the burden any less overwhelming.
This post is not to romanticize single parenting. It is to highlight a need—a gap that often goes unspoken. That gap is the missing figure in parenting—and what we can do, realistically and Islamically, to bridge it.
When Parenting Is a One-Way Street
There is nothing as deeply stabilizing for a child as seeing both parents playing active roles in their upbringing—sharing responsibilities, reinforcing boundaries, balancing love with discipline, and offering different but complementary perspectives.
“Each of you is a shepherd, and each of you is responsible for his flock...”— Prophet Muhammad ﷺ, Sahih al-Bukhari & Sahih Muslim
Now add to this a layer of complexity: a neurodivergent child, or one with special emotional or behavioral needs.
That’s a burden best imagined… not experienced.
The Case for a Supplementary Parental Figure
No matter how loving and devoted a single parent may be, there are natural limits to what they can offer—especially as their child grows into adolescence and beyond.
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A mother may find it difficult to explain the emotional inner world of manhood to her growing son.
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A father may struggle to teach his teenage daughter about the complex emotional and physical transitions she faces.
This is not weakness. It is reality. And this is where Islam, in its timeless mercy and wisdom, points us towards support systems that uphold the family when one part is missing.
“The believer to the believer is like a building, each part strengthening the other.”— Prophet Muhammad ﷺ, Sahih al-Bukhari, 481
It is not just ideal, but necessary, for a child growing up with one parent to have a trusted figure to model the role of the absent parent.
This figure could be:
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A remarried spouse, provided the marriage is based on Islamic values and emotional safety.
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A relative—such as an uncle, aunt, or grandparent—actively involved in nurturing the child.
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A mentor—a school teacher, youth counselor, or older friend grounded in uprightness and taqwa.
What matters most is that the individual is someone of moral integrity, Islamic character, and emotional wisdom, who can step in—not as a replacement, but as a reflection of the parent the child is missing.
But What About Boundaries?
Of course, Islam places heavy emphasis on boundaries and propriety—especially when it comes to gender interaction and family structure. But Islam also champions practical solutions when they are done within the framework of faith.
For instance:
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A single mother seeking a male role model for her son must ensure proper hijab, mahram rules, and involvement from safe and known people.
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A father helping his daughter find a female mentor or guide must ensure she is emotionally and spiritually safe in that space.
The Salaf were known to raise orphans with the help of extended family and the community. They didn’t turn away from their duty because the biological parent was missing—they stepped forward to preserve the tarbiyah (nurturing) of the child.
Stories That Teach
Let us remember the example of the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ himself, who was born an orphan. Yet Allah placed in his life:
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Amina (his mother),
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Abdul Muttalib (his grandfather),
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Abu Talib (his uncle),
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And Khadijah (RA), later in his life, whose emotional support shaped the Prophet’s resilience.
Though his father was absent, he was never left alone. Allah surrounded him with upright figures.
Shouldn’t we do the same for our children?
What About the Emotional Gap?
Children raised by a single parent may wrestle with feelings like:
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“Why don’t I have a dad/mum like others?”
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“Am I not lovable enough?”
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“Is something wrong with my family?”
The role of the trusted supplementary figure is not only functional—it is emotional. It reassures the child:
“You are not forgotten.”“You are not broken.”“You are loved, and you are being raised with purpose.”
With the right figure, children find a sense of balance again. They stop overburdening the active parent and start seeing themselves as part of a wider, supportive circle.
To the Single Parent Reading This…
You are seen. Your tears are not wasted. Your sacrifices are not hidden from the One who sees all.
“Verily, your efforts are diverse. Then as for he who gives and fears Allah, and believes in the best reward – We will ease him toward ease.”— Surah Al-Lail 92:4–7
Your love matters. But love alone cannot fill every gap. Don’t try to do it all alone. Seek help. Build a village around your child. One that protects them, teaches them, and strengthens your hands.
Not because you’re failing—but because you’re human.
Final Reflection: One Wing Can Fly, But Two Wings Soar
Single parenting, whether by fate or circumstance, is not a failure—it is a test. And like all tests, it requires tools, people, and wisdom.
We must acknowledge:
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That the absence of a parent creates a real, lasting impact.
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That the presence of a righteous figure can fill emotional and developmental gaps.
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That Islam supports community-based tarbiyah, where the child is never left behind.
As parents, educators, and mentors, let’s come together to bring back the missing voice in parenting—for the sake of our children, and the sake of this Ummah.
Are you a single parent trying to raise your child with balance? Or do you know a family that needs a trusted figure in their child’s life? Share your story, or connect with us—to get inspired, or inspire someone to keep parenting with purpose.
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