Walk into any gathering today and observe closely. You may meet educated individuals who can speak eloquently about religious rulings, yet struggle to say “no” with confidence. You may see those who have memorized the Qur’an but cannot manage their emotions. Some know volumes of Islamic knowledge yet live in dysfunction—trapped in toxic relationships, crossing others’ boundaries, or silently battling destructive habits they cannot explain or control.
The truth is both simple and sobering: We are raising minds, but not always hearts. And that’s a dangerous imbalance.
🧠 + ❤️ = The Full Picture
In Islam, knowledge (‘ilm) is meant to transform. Not just to fill the brain, but to shape the soul. Yet, when children grow up without being taught essential soft skills—like self-awareness, emotional regulation, self-worth, communication, and boundary-setting—they often grow into adults with external knowledge but internal chaos.
The Prophet ﷺ said:“The strong person is not the one who overcomes others by his strength, but the one who controls himself when he is angry.”— Bukhari, Muslim
This hadith alone is a masterclass in emotional intelligence—a soft skill at the heart of personal integrity. But how do you control anger, when as a child you were never taught what it meant to pause, breathe, and reflect?
The Cost of Missing Soft Skills
Look around, and you’ll see the painful consequences of this neglect:
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Grown men who cannot express grief, so it turns to rage or silence.
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Women who tolerate abuse because they lack self-worth and don’t know how to say, “This is not okay.”
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Huffaaz who prey on others because they learned tajweed but not taqwā.
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Scholars who give beautiful lectures on sabr, but belittle their spouses behind closed doors.
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Religious youth battling secret addictions or criminal behavior—because they were taught haram and halal, but never taught how to cope, how to assert, how to connect.
Ibn al-Qayyim (rahimahullah) said:“Knowledge alone is not sufficient. Rather, it must be coupled with action, sincerity, and correct methodology.”
Action comes from the inner self—and the inner self must be nurtured through life skills, not just information.
The Missing Link Between Skill and Sin
Many sins—yes, even major ones—are rooted in the absence of internal capacity:
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Lying stems from fear of conflict or lack of assertiveness.
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Sexual sins often stem from a lack of boundaries, low self-esteem, or emotional emptiness.
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Injustice and abuse often arise when one lacks self-control, empathy, or spiritual accountability.
So when we raise children who are told what not to do—but never shown how to manage what they feel—we set them up to fall into what they fear the most.
Skills prevent sins. When internal capacity is strong, external behavior follows suit.
Reparenting Ourselves: It Starts With Us
Before we talk about raising our children right, we must start by raising ourselves again.
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Do you know your own emotional triggers?
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Can you apologize sincerely when wrong?
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Do you set and respect boundaries?
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Can you say “no” without guilt?
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Are you aware of your worth without depending on others for validation?
If not, you are not broken—but you are unfinished. And it is never too late to reparent yourself.
Allah ﷻ says:“Indeed, Allah will not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves.”— Surah Ar-Ra’d (13:11)
Parenting is one of the best opportunities Allah gives us to change what is within ourselves—to grow with our children, to model what we wish we had, to heal generational wounds, and to give them what we were denied.
Raising Children With More Than Knowledge
As Muslim parents, our goal is not just to raise scholars or memorisers of the Qur'an. We want to raise:
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Children who know how to handle temptation.
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Teens who can walk away from peer pressure confidently.
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Youth who can lead families with gentleness and courage.
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Adults who can speak truth without harshness and listen with compassion.
So when we teach our children:
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How to express themselves without aggression,
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How to say “no” when something feels wrong,
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How to cry without shame, and apologize without pride,
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How to regulate emotions, take responsibility, and seek help when needed—
We are preparing them not just for the world—but for Jannah, through sound character and spiritual resilience.
The Prophet ﷺ said:“Nothing is heavier on the Scale of Deeds than good character.”— Tirmidhi, 2002
Back to Basics: What Every Parent Should Model and Teach
Here are some non-negotiable soft skills we must build into our parenting:
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Emotional Awareness:“I feel frustrated,” not “I’m a bad child.”
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Assertive Communication:“I don’t like that,” not silence or violence.
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Self-Worth:“Allah created me for a purpose. I am valuable.”
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Healthy Boundaries:“It’s okay to say no with kindness.”
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Empathy:“How might this feel for the other person?”
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Responsibility:“What can I do differently next time?”
Let these be part of your home’s daily language. Not just lectures, but lifestyle. Not just Islamic reminders, but consistent modeling.
Final Words: It’s Not Too Late
If you’re reading this and thinking, “I missed out on this growing up” or “I’ve already made parenting mistakes,” — know this:
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Every great parent is a learner first.
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Every change begins with self-awareness.
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Every du’ā you make for your children opens a door you can’t yet see.
Let’s not raise another generation that knows right from wrong—but doesn’t know how to live it.
Let’s raise children who can internalize their knowledge and embody their values.
Let’s raise children who know how to protect their hearts and serve their communities—not just by what they know, but by who they’ve become.
“Let’s reparent ourselves. Let’s raise our children right. May Allah ease it for us.”Ameen.
I have picked many lessons from this.
ReplyDeleteJazaakumu Lloohu khayron for sharing
May almighty Allaah make it beneficial for us all.
Alhamdulillah.
DeleteAameen wa antum fa jazaakumullaahu khayran
Aameen