The Foundations of Intentional Parenting in Islam
Parenting is one of the most significant responsibilities bestowed upon individuals by Allah. In Islam, parenting is not merely a biological or social duty but a form of worship and a pathway to earning Allah's pleasure. The concept of intentional parenting means raising children with a clear sense of purpose and strategy, guided by the teachings of the Qur’ān and Sunnah. This approach emphasizes deliberate actions, nurturing the child's spiritual, emotional, intellectual, and physical needs within the framework of Islamic values.
Understanding Intentional Parenting in Islam
Intentional parenting in Islam involves a conscientious effort to align one's parenting practices with the core principles of Islam. It is raising children with a clear sense of purpose—helping them develop into righteous individuals who fulfill their obligations to Allah, themselves, their family, and society. This concept encompasses everything from fostering love for Allah, teaching good manners, and instilling knowledge of the Qur'ān, to encouraging a sense of responsibility and social consciousness.
The Importance of Niyyah (Intention)
The foundation of intentional parenting in Islam is Niyyah—the pure intention to raise children in the best way possible for the sake of Allah. The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said:
"Actions are judged by intentions, so each man will have what he intended."
(Sahih al-Bukhari)
A Muslim parent must, therefore, begin with the sincere intention to parent in a way that is pleasing to Allah. When the intention is righteous, the efforts and struggles in raising children become a form of worship.
The Role of the Qur’ān in Parenting
The Qur’ān serves as the ultimate guide for Muslims, including in parenting. Allah repeatedly emphasizes the importance of family and children. One of the most profound verses related to parenting is in Surah Luqman, where Luqman gives advice to his son:
"O my son! Join not in worship others with Allah. Verily! Joining others in worship with Allah is a great wrong indeed."
(Qur'an 31:13)
This verse teaches us that the most fundamental aspect of intentional parenting is to instill Tawheed (monotheism)—the oneness of Allah. Before anything else, Muslim parents should focus on nurturing a child's faith, ensuring that they grow up knowing and loving Allah.
The Sunnah’s Guidance on Parenting
The Sunnah of Prophet Muhammad (Peace be upon him) provides a comprehensive model for how Muslims should raise their children. He demonstrated through his actions and words how parents should educate, nurture, and discipline their children.
One of the most famous hadiths related to parenting is:
"Every one of you is a shepherd, and every one of you will be questioned about those under his rule."
(Sahih al-Bukhari)
This hadith highlights the responsibility parents have over their children. They are entrusted with their care and will be accountable for how they fulfill that duty. This is a call for intentional parenting—taking responsibility for every aspect of a child's upbringing, from their spiritual growth to their behavior and manners.
Setting Clear and Specific Parenting Goals
For an individual to be intentional about something, he must have a clear vision and a well mapped out plan to actualize it. Intentional parenting should begin with the conscious efforts involved in identifying the ultimate vision for our children, while sketching a set of milestones and action plans that would guide us to achieve our goals in their lives.
Parents should ensure that their parenting goals are in line with the dictates of Islam, while considering several factors, and consulting necessary experts while drafting them.
The goals must be specific, clear, and measurable, such that it will be easy to monitor and evaluate the progress, as well as determine when and how reinforcement or timely restrategizing should take place.
Modelling and Setting the Right Example
Children learn by observing their parents. The Prophet Muhammad (Peace be upon him) set an exemplary model of being patient, kind, and just with children. He once said:
"No father has given a child anything better than good manners."
(Sunan al-Tirmidhi)
Parents need to embody the characteristics they want their children to adopt. If they wish for their children to be honest, patient, and respectful, they must display these traits consistently. Leading by example is an essential part of intentional parenting.
Love and Compassion in Parenting
While discipline is a part of raising children, it must be balanced with love and compassion. The Prophet (Peace be upon him) was known for his tenderness towards children. An example of this is when he shortened his prayer upon hearing a child crying, showing concern for both the child and the mother.
He said:
"He who does not show mercy to our young ones and recognize the right of our elders is not one of us."
(Sunan Abi Dawud)
Love and mercy should form the foundation of the parent-child relationship. Intentional parenting, therefore, involves fostering a loving, secure, and supportive environment for children to thrive spiritually, emotionally, and mentally.
Teaching Accountability and Responsibility
In Islam, children are to be raised with a sense of accountability to Allah. Parents should encourage their children to be responsible for their actions from a young age. This includes teaching them the importance of prayer, fasting, and good behavior, reminding them that Allah is always aware of their deeds.
In Surah At-Tahrim, Allah (SWT) commands:
"O you who have believed, protect yourselves and your families from a Fire whose fuel is people and stones..."
(Qur'an 66:6)
This verse underscores the importance of guiding children to understand the consequences of their actions and helping them adopt behaviors that will protect them in this life and the hereafter.
Providing for Holistic Development
Intentional parenting involves ensuring that children are provided with opportunities for holistic development—spiritually, intellectually, socially, and physically. This can be done through:
- Spiritual development: Encouraging the practice of Salah (prayer), learning the Qur’ān, and engaging in acts of kindness.
- Intellectual development: Ensuring they receive both Islamic and worldly knowledge, fostering critical thinking and curiosity.
- Social development: Teaching them to interact kindly and respectfully with others, developing empathy, and understanding their role in society.
- Physical development: Encouraging healthy habits, physical activity, and teaching them about halal and haram in nutrition.
Establishing Consistent Discipline
Islam encourages moderate and consistent discipline when necessary. Discipline should be fair and just, with the aim of teaching children about accountability and the consequences of their actions. The Prophet (Peace be upon him) emphasized the importance of not being harsh:
"The best among you are those who are best to their families, and I am the best to my family."
(Sunan al-Tirmidhi)
This highlights that intentional parenting involves disciplining with mercy, ensuring that corrective actions are constructive rather than punitive.
Praying for Our Children
Ultimately, one of the most important aspects of parenting in Islam is making dua (supplication) for our children. Allah is the ultimate guide and protector, and parents should regularly ask Him for guidance in raising their children well.
In fact, it is expected that we started praying for pious offsprings even before we get married! This continues even in marriage and when we begin to nurture our sprouts.
In Surah Al-Furqan, Allah describes the believers as those who pray:
"Our Lord, grant us from among our wives and offspring comfort to our eyes and make us an example for the righteous."
(Qur'an 25:74)
This dua encapsulates the essence of intentional parenting: striving for the best for our children in this life and the next.
Intentional parenting in Islam is rooted in the teachings of the Qur’ān and the Sunnah. It requires Muslim parents to raise their children with purpose, focusing on their spiritual, moral, intellectual, and physical development. By embodying Islamic principles, setting the right example, and seeking Allah's guidance, parents can fulfill their responsibility and raise children who are a source of goodness and blessings for the Ummah and humanity at large.
May Allah guide us all to be intentional and righteous parents, and reward us all with success and goodness in this world and the hereafter. Aamiin.
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Abu Anas, Abdullateef SADIQ
